“The more willing we are to transgress gender norms within the therapeutic context, the more room we give our clients to experiment with their own gender.”
I love this. It’s so true. I had an incredible therapist who made an unmistakable impact on my life. One of the reasons why is because she authentically lived the values she was hoping to impart to me through therapy.
Rebecca, this was beautifully written. I appreciate the many nuances of this conversation and living experience. The questions got me thinkin’ tho! 😅 Thank you and keep up the great content...
Rebecca wrote “How does your perception of your gender identity interact with your perception of how much power you have, socially and interpersonally?”
I’m thinking about this on especially thru the lens of both gender and age. As I approach middle age I see a lot of diff threads around power. Once a woman is 40 there’s extra “legal protections” against workplace discrimination. But at my current age compared to being 22 my professional network is huge! And I need fewer protections now compared to earlier. So I’m perceived as having less power now but maybe I have more. But still less than many men my age. If you have more ideas on how to have fun w these questions is welcome hearing those. Thanks.
Thank you so much for this reply, Jess! You raise a really fascinating point, about the paradoxical ways we can be positioned, both interpersonally and structurally. We may have few interpersonal resources and a lot of structural privilege; we may have shifting relationships to the ways our gender intersects with other aspects of our identity, such as class or age or race. And then as you point out we can have ways in which the specifics of our lives can provide power that helps us withstand/negotiate larger structural forces. To me, this kind of thinking is like entering a prism: we'll see something different each time we return to the question of gender, depending on where we put our focus; what "beam of light" we're tracing.
As far as the "having fun" piece goes: I would say that when we're thinking about identity, power and oppression, there's a way in which we can get "stuck" feeling like we need to find an answer, a strategy, a final way of thinking about these questions. So one way "in" to having fun is to enter the space of imagination: how would you walk, or dress, if you wanted to express aspects of your gender that you keep hidden? How would you be received in public, or in your intimate friend group, if you had a completely different gender presentation? If you feel constrained by the gender binary, what could you do/read/think about that would free you up? If you feel "held" by the gender binary, in what ways does it provide a holding space for you? That sort of thing -- letting your imagination take you to places, and then thinking about whether you want to enact the pictures you see in the world. I hope that helps! :-)
Thank you so much for telling this story! I'm very glad to hear that you had that experience--it sounds very powerful.
“The more willing we are to transgress gender norms within the therapeutic context, the more room we give our clients to experiment with their own gender.”
I love this. It’s so true. I had an incredible therapist who made an unmistakable impact on my life. One of the reasons why is because she authentically lived the values she was hoping to impart to me through therapy.
Thank you so much for your supportive words! I'm so pleased that you found this post helpful! :-)
Rebecca, this was beautifully written. I appreciate the many nuances of this conversation and living experience. The questions got me thinkin’ tho! 😅 Thank you and keep up the great content...
Agreed!
Rebecca wrote “How does your perception of your gender identity interact with your perception of how much power you have, socially and interpersonally?”
I’m thinking about this on especially thru the lens of both gender and age. As I approach middle age I see a lot of diff threads around power. Once a woman is 40 there’s extra “legal protections” against workplace discrimination. But at my current age compared to being 22 my professional network is huge! And I need fewer protections now compared to earlier. So I’m perceived as having less power now but maybe I have more. But still less than many men my age. If you have more ideas on how to have fun w these questions is welcome hearing those. Thanks.
Thank you so much for this reply, Jess! You raise a really fascinating point, about the paradoxical ways we can be positioned, both interpersonally and structurally. We may have few interpersonal resources and a lot of structural privilege; we may have shifting relationships to the ways our gender intersects with other aspects of our identity, such as class or age or race. And then as you point out we can have ways in which the specifics of our lives can provide power that helps us withstand/negotiate larger structural forces. To me, this kind of thinking is like entering a prism: we'll see something different each time we return to the question of gender, depending on where we put our focus; what "beam of light" we're tracing.
As far as the "having fun" piece goes: I would say that when we're thinking about identity, power and oppression, there's a way in which we can get "stuck" feeling like we need to find an answer, a strategy, a final way of thinking about these questions. So one way "in" to having fun is to enter the space of imagination: how would you walk, or dress, if you wanted to express aspects of your gender that you keep hidden? How would you be received in public, or in your intimate friend group, if you had a completely different gender presentation? If you feel constrained by the gender binary, what could you do/read/think about that would free you up? If you feel "held" by the gender binary, in what ways does it provide a holding space for you? That sort of thing -- letting your imagination take you to places, and then thinking about whether you want to enact the pictures you see in the world. I hope that helps! :-)
That is very helpful framing. Yes I think I could play with those ideas!!